I honestly don't know where to start. Things around here have been getting worse and worse. Financially(the major thing), fighting with the DH(as a result of the financial part), extended family fighting, I could go on forever. I just don't feel like dealing with any of it. Financially we are about to go under and DH wants me to go get a job but honestly I think it is too late for that. I would have to work after 5 pm because he doesn't get home from work until around 4:15-4:30 and then that would mean I would have to high-tail it to the nearest town to be able to make it there by 5. I am excited about the fact that I need to go get a job. Sounds weird huh? well I am ready to get out of the house for a purpose other than grocery shopping. But the thing is where to find a job that I can work nights at? Wal-Mart, the hospital, or a gas station is about my only choices. I have been looking for over 5 yrs now (off and on) to find a job that I can do at home. Most of them want a fee to get started and I have heard that I shouldn't have to pay to get a job. So I don't know what is legit and what isn't. I have thought about going back to school but guess what that costs money! We can barely buy groceries much less pay for me to go to school.
The fighting with DH has been getting worse. I have been feeling the tension getting worse and then Sunday night it all just fell apart. We had our youngest's birthday party Sunday afternoon and I had done some laundry earlier that afternoon and just piled it on the bed. Well, the bedroom is DH's throne. He lays/sits in bed and watches his tv shows. I didn't have time to fold and put up the clothes when everyone started showing up for the party so I just threw them on the bed and closed the door. Well, after everyone left, he went in to his "throne" and started throwing a fit because there were clothes on the bed and he couldn't even lay down. I told him(nicely), why couldn't he just scoot them over to the other side of the bed and I would put them up after I got the cake and ice cream put up from the party. He told me that I was one lazy woman and that I never finish anything I start and that I needed to get my act together. Which is partially true. I have been pretty lazy here lately and not been keeping the house clean, laundry done up and a hot meal everynight. I am going to be working on this. My attitude here lately hasn't been the greatest either so I am working on it too. So anyway, that ended up being a huge fight. We kinda got it straightened out but not all the way.
You know the old saying....... God never gives you more than you can handle? Well, I think I am about to my breaking point. I have been praying, probably not as much as I should, but at least I am doing it. It just seems like it is falling on deaf ears. I am going to try to start reading and studying my Bible more and trying to have more faith.